Interim

It's hard to realize a week has gone by since the last post...even harder to realize Mother is gone . Her last stay in the hospital and my nights alone here were only a temporary suspension of reality . This is the real thing .
The neighbors have stepped up with lovely cards and kind hugs of condolence . These are people who've barely exchanged nods of greeting as we pass . Thinking I'd offended them somehow ,in fact, they are older folks with pains and health concerns, not up to the boistrous glad-handing of other neighborhoods . Their concern is genuine but they don't know me well enough to know how to reach out in a meaningful way . God bless them...they are dear folks !
There are offers of tea and company and evening walks...offers of shoulders to cry on , sympathetic ears and brawn to move furniture whenever needed . I'd received advice to change the purpose of Mother's room once the hospital bed and medical equipment were removed...so it was no longer a "sick room " ...to give it new life and serenity . It will become an office/craft /guest room . My , that's a lot of ///'s ! Reclaimed tall storage shelves will flank my father's highboy bureau to form a corner unit with a large worktop on book-shelves-base desk , facing the door (better Fung Shui !) for the office/craft aspect . Mother's bed slides against the wall , as a daybed (the guest room aspect ) . Her favorite chair , the wingback that provided me shelter during those last days , will be part of a reading nook in the other corner and...viola' ...new room ! There will be proper organized storage for fabric and sewing supplies , for jewelry making and beading...those pesky files and bills will have a place to call their own , as will my beloved books . All that , and a desk chair , too !
This is a kind of "nesting" , often felt by pregnant ladies about to give birth . All is readied for the new life to come . Somehow attending to the painting and reorganization of rooms left undone in Mother's presence , allows me to prepare for a new life in her absence . This "busy work " is vital...giving my hands and mind something to do while my heart begins the long process of healing . My heart , you see , is broken ...that my dear mother had to spend the last years of her life as she did...that I'll not see that sweet face again in this life ...that I am now without both parents . The baton has been passed to my sister and I ...we are the mothers who must learn to fill the place just vacated ...a daunting task , indeed !