It is 2am and I've just awakened a half hour before her next dose...something's different . Although Mother's breathing is "structurally " the same , it is so much softer . Prayers are being answered that she is spared the wrenching gasps that normally come .
In another note , there is a surprising source for unexpected music . I'd kept soft instrumental CD's playing , some with ocean-wave sounds incorporated into the score . The neighbor out back has a chord organ , whose music unknowingly contributed to the repetoire . ...and yet , there was another source , unidentified at the time , of repetitive strains of soft organ music . Those strains were coming from the oxygen machine ! Somehow , the very act of pumping moistened air into the tubing that eased Mother's breathing , also supplied gentle music (oft repeated though the few notes were ). Small gifts abound !
Her next two rounds of meds are given...Anna arrives at 7:30 to bathe and dress Mom . For the past few days , she was kind enough to spare the last five minutes of her visit to massage my shoulders , where boulders masquerade as muscles , which allowed me to rest gently for a bit before resuming my duties . Not today...something compelled me to stop her and go to Mom , whose tiny breaths now had 30-40 second intervals . I told her brave she was...how hard she'd fought to live , how proud of her we all are and how very much we love her...that it was time to go to sleep now...time to say goodnight . I kissed her and smoothed her brow . As I turned away , Anna ( who was there and watching ) remarked on the expression of peace that came over her . Within ten minutes , at 9:30 am , Mother had breathed her last .
Anna stayed with me , a huge comfort , as I called Hospice , who will send a nurse to make the pronouncement , call the doctor and funeral home and "waste" all the unused medications . Allyson , a sweet , kind , highly competant young RN , stayed through the arrival of said funeral home folks . They took gentle care of Mother and placed her in the hearse...she would have liked the curtains...crisp-edged pleats and swags in a lovely dove grey jacquard . By 12:30 , everybody was gone .
The vital phone calls were made early...the rest must be attended to now . Perhaps a steamy shower and long nap will begin to comfort in her absence .
In another note , there is a surprising source for unexpected music . I'd kept soft instrumental CD's playing , some with ocean-wave sounds incorporated into the score . The neighbor out back has a chord organ , whose music unknowingly contributed to the repetoire . ...and yet , there was another source , unidentified at the time , of repetitive strains of soft organ music . Those strains were coming from the oxygen machine ! Somehow , the very act of pumping moistened air into the tubing that eased Mother's breathing , also supplied gentle music (oft repeated though the few notes were ). Small gifts abound !
Her next two rounds of meds are given...Anna arrives at 7:30 to bathe and dress Mom . For the past few days , she was kind enough to spare the last five minutes of her visit to massage my shoulders , where boulders masquerade as muscles , which allowed me to rest gently for a bit before resuming my duties . Not today...something compelled me to stop her and go to Mom , whose tiny breaths now had 30-40 second intervals . I told her brave she was...how hard she'd fought to live , how proud of her we all are and how very much we love her...that it was time to go to sleep now...time to say goodnight . I kissed her and smoothed her brow . As I turned away , Anna ( who was there and watching ) remarked on the expression of peace that came over her . Within ten minutes , at 9:30 am , Mother had breathed her last .
Anna stayed with me , a huge comfort , as I called Hospice , who will send a nurse to make the pronouncement , call the doctor and funeral home and "waste" all the unused medications . Allyson , a sweet , kind , highly competant young RN , stayed through the arrival of said funeral home folks . They took gentle care of Mother and placed her in the hearse...she would have liked the curtains...crisp-edged pleats and swags in a lovely dove grey jacquard . By 12:30 , everybody was gone .
The vital phone calls were made early...the rest must be attended to now . Perhaps a steamy shower and long nap will begin to comfort in her absence .
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