7 / 2 / 09

I was up at 2-3 hour intervals during the night to give meds . By 2am Mother was fevered again . Cool compresses were applied , but by 5am , she was still hot , so the compresses were refreshed and re-aplied . Up by 7:30am for meds and Mother was cooler . The aide was here at 8am and the nurse arrived by 8:30 . Vitals were taken - pulse barely discernable at the ankles and faint at the wrist . The professional opinion is that today may be Mother's Independance Day...that she probably won't make it 'til tomorrow . I'm to look for longer apnea gaps between breaths...maybe that telltale "-rattle "...perhaps a restlessness of hands and head . If hot , she's in no need of compresses...just loving company , soft music and peaceful "vibes " .
This dying bit is harder than it looks in the movies ! The film characters either do a "dying swan " or linger bravely 'til they just close their eyes and slip away . Not so here , boys and girls !!! This dear lady is laboring mightily for the very air she breathes ! Her strong heart and will are not cut out for an easy exit , but fight that good fight to the very end . It is 2pm , almost time for another dose of pharmeceutical comfort to ease her journey . Little has changed except perhaps , her breathing...now more frequent , but shallow . By 3:30pm there is a marked change ,sounding something like the bark of a sea lion...short , snore-y bits that on the indrawn breath sound like nah-ni or none . Her hands are still warm and pink ( not the expected cool and blue ) . By 9:30 , phone calls are placed to those unable to come to the bedside and the phone held to Mother's ear while private goodbyes are said . Thank you , Alexander Graham Bell !!
Prayers are offered up that the normal progression of fish-out-of-water gasping for air is cut short for her sake ,just as her indrawn breaths now sound like...enough . I'm advised by all and sundry to rest before the next round of need arises . but there is no corner of the house that escapes the sound of her distress .