7 / 1/ 09

5:20 am I was up between periods of dozing to check on Mother...giving meds when needed and eyedrops to moisten those ever-open baby blues . Nothing much has changed since last night . Her hands and feet are still warm...the skin is not yet mottled ( a sign the end is near ) . I wish I knew how to help her resolve whatever's keeping her here...
The dawn brings pale , rose-tinted , light blue skies . A robin has perched on the neighbor's roof , peering in to check on us . Somewhat satisfied , he flies away . Anna is due this morning . For me to drive somewhere during this respite time is out of the question...not only because of Mother's imminent ??? departure , but because lack of sleep leaves me with less than stellar defensive driving skills today . The aide arrived to bathe and change Mother...thankfully she was able to close her eyes ( a blessing for all concerned ). Her coma precludes any response on her part but, as hearing remains , affirmations of her life , and the love of all who know her are spoken . Descriptions of the beauty of the day and the lilting songs of the birds are remarked upon and always , the contact of hand on her forehead and hand to let her know she's not alone .
People have begun to ask what I will do "after" . I suppose they are concerned for me...that having cared for Mother for so long , a re-focus might be difficult . One lady sees me in work helping others...another sees my photography as a possible vocation . Without a degree or training in place , it will take some serious preparation to re-enter the job market at my not-so-tender age . "Sufficient to the day are the troubles therein ", say those far wiser than I . My current job is not yet done , but perhaps networking with those who have helped Mother might lead to a satisfying new job that would actually support me in my little cottage . Wouldn't it be nice to have some extra for birdseed (for tiny birds , they surely eat a lot ) , flowers and gas to get to the ocean , when I need to go . Oh , yes...and to buy the peaches and other summer fruits that so delight me ! Simple pleasures , but so precious .