6 /30 /09

Last night , we were scheduled for our 7:30 - 10:30pm volunteer from the Alzheimer's Caregiver Respite group . I'd been unable to reach anyone to head her off , especially in light of Mother's imminent end . As it turned out , her visit seemed pre-ordained , as we cried on each other's shoulders and she had a chance to say "goodbye" to Mom .
The wonderful policeman who monitors her participation in Project Lifesaver ( see earlier posts ) had stopped by earlier to check on us . Her unit was turned in , as there is a waiting list . The comfort and security afforded us for the past ten months can now be extended to another family . His kindness will be long remembered .
The Hospice social worker , alerted to Mother's condition , called to offer help , but there is nothing much to do . By 6:15 , her Chayne-Stokes breathing pattern required the next step up in comfort meds and at 10pm a Hospice call was made to clarify meds timing and a recommendation to apply cool compresses to bring down her new fever . As instructed , a follow-up call was made in two hours . She was cooler by then , so the compresses were removed and I went to bed .
Up early this morning , with little sleep , meds were given and by the time the aide arrived , it was obvious that Mother was " lingering " . Nothing to do but keep her comfortable until she resolves whatever issue is keeping her here . She was more alert during this visit , but by the time the lady left , Mother was distant again . The oxygen arrived by midday...it will not prolong her stay , just make it more comfortable .
The windows are open to the sound of birdsong and she is bathed in the warm summer breezes while we await her decision . It is almost 7pm , Mother lies open-eyed , empty-gazed and unblinking . Despite the oxygen , she is open-mouthed and gasping for air . This is , I'm told , part of the normal process and nothing can be done...just wait it out with her...offering verbal comfort and holding her hand . Her hands and feet are warm - indicative of a strong heart and will...yet it is heartbreaking to see her struggle so to breathe .