Grey Day

This week is one of grey skies and scattered thunderstorms . The 5 Day forecast picture on the weather channel is five straight days of gloom . We lost power yesterday morning after knicknack-trembling thunderclaps , which was restored an hour or so later . Thankfully , Mother slept through it all . She must have been resting up for last night...a time of little sleep for either of us . Her usual bedtime is around 9pm , after a trip to the "loo" . Once tucked in (as I lay watchful in the other bed ) , she drifts off , to awaken the next morning . As the last few days have been extra-clingy , since the full moon , and sleep elusive for me , a sound night's rest was much hoped for . It was not to be . Oh , it all started off as usual , but fell apart shortly thereafter ! By11:45pm , she was still popping up , not knowing where she was driven to go , nor why . The meds took some time to kick in and although she slept , the popping-up-thing happened again by 2am...just enough time for me to have slipped into a grateful doze .
I try to remember what this all feels like from her perspective...the fear , loneliness and anxiety...how reason cannot prevail in her" world without reason" . She lives in the moment and neither of us has any idea what the next moment will bring ! ...that I am "on duty" and must cope with whatever presents itself...that this is my dear Mother , who just wants to feel safe and loved . There are , however , tiny moments where I just want to go to sleep for the night...undisturbed !!! That is not in the fine print of the job description . My job is to provide tender , loving care for Mother , while taking wise care of myself and those limited reserves that are supposed to keep me going...for both our sakes . I am most grateful for the aide , the volunteer and the daycare opportunity for Mother...the prayers of those who love us...that is the only real fuel to run on . I'm off now (sarcastic friends will tell you I've been "off" for years...nevermind...) to take the advice normally given to new mothers...which is to sleep while your charge sleeps . Naps aren't usually successful , but new skills must be learned... Have a splendid day...thanks for listening !