Memories

I am missing my mother . There is a strange sense of unreality about my days...waking whenever...doing chores , eating , sleeping or going out when the mood strikes me...without being responsible for another's care . Our involvement in each others lives was so intense , especially towards the end , I now feel somewhat disconnected...as though I should be doing something for her...but Mother's not here .
She used to leave me little notes of thanks...not just for gifts at special occasions , but for even the little things . I have a standing mirror for makeup , which sports one of her messages . Written on the magnifying side , bar of soap in hand , is "I thank you ". Imagine how difficult it is to apply mascara through tears !
Her presence is everywhere... in the enormous chair in the front room , where she spent her days before Hospice( and where no one has sat since)...in the kitchen , where she sat to keep me company during food prep...in the room we shared , where my sleep was light ( the better to monitor hers )... Her place in the car is empty and there is a hole in my heart .
Mother was such a dynamic person ! She had a definite impact on all who met her - for the good . It is no wonder her absence should be so keenly felt ! And so , as I go about the business of each day , it is with myriad memories and gratitude for the time we were together...trying to remember all the lessons she tried to teach...and become the person she wanted me to be .