In conversations with various people who know our situation , the topic touched on gently is the "when it's over" subject . "You'll be able to get on with your life ",they say... " You'll be able to do what you want "... "You can be yourself". Hmmm...
Actually,this is my life...in all it's madness,confusion,loneliness and frustration...and joy,love and tenderness. I live,breathe and take action.I am doing what I want . Don't you want someone who loves you to take care of you when that isn't possible for you to do anymore ? Would you prefer the scheduled effeciency of strangers attending to personal details,with no knowlege of,nor regard for your history and preferances ? They couldn't know what delights you or frightens you or brings you comfort.They couldn't understand your quirks and funny phrases from childhood.You would simply be the old person in 3B. No thanks !
As for "being myself "...that is part of the work-in-progress that is life . I have a unique opportunity to examine and evaluate myself on a daily basis . My motives may be for the common good , but if my attitude is selfish,rushing or insensitive,Mother suffers.So much better is a rein on "ME"...carefully considering her needs and how to accomplish what has to be done,in light of the kindest way to bring it about . I've not had the luxury to define myself...life has had me " hit the floor running" for many years . Strange that this is the time to just that . The better self comes through selfless service and the appreciation of this time as a testing and training ground . I could not do this without all of you..your concern,patience,sharing and love . We may be formed in the crucible of trials , but we are polished by kindness from each other !
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