The Passing of Time

I have just had a Significant Birthday.You know the type..they are the birthdays that are still double-digit,but end with a zero . Ever since one turned 10 years old( the first Significant Birthday,because it's the first double-digit one !),each of those to follow brings with it the obligatory soul searching,personal inventory and goal-setting.It helps somewhat not to look one's age,but the accusatory revelation on that driver's license is hard to avoid .For me , the challenge to this one is the distance between expectation and reality . There was a game of sorts when I was a child..."what will we be like when we're grown up?". Every stage of life was examined and our hopes for it voiced . Even though some were greatly inflated,those basic hopes were filed away in the dark recesses of our mind's filing cabinets...not often remembered,but somehow unconsciously driving our decisions.None of us really expected to be millionaires (but wouldn't that have been interesting !) but we did expect the basics- a happy marriage to a decent man who loves us,healthy and happy kids who love us and fulfill their potential,enough financial security to cover expenses and small-to-medium disasters and peace in our homes,even after the long-awaited,darling grandchildren arrive. These are not outrageous expectations,just the run -of-the-mill-type that women have looked forward to throughout time. So what's the problem ? These expectations are of a vintage not accepted in today's society . Today,it seems more fashionable to date widely with "privileges",avoiding all semblance of responsibility for the care and feeding of any but oneself...especially if the "privileges" result in a nine-month due date. Strange,but true.There seems to be no nesting impulse ,no drive to make a life and home with someone ...to take care of and be cared for by someone .Where's the "you and me against the world" stuff? Where's the comfortable comraderie of the long term ,committed to each other ,married relationship ? The guys say that women are angry. The guys seem befuddled and accusatory.The women are angry ! All those little cards filed away from childhood are laid out on the table with no hope of fulfillment.Proverbs says,"Hope deferred makes the heart sick ." We are a generation of heartsick women,with many more to follow . What is left to us ? ? Realizing the emptyness and futility of hedonism(that's the "if it feels good,do it "philosophy) , we chart a course on our own,to fulfill the intent of those cards alone.We are left to love those in our lives,lavishing on them the attention they crave as well,while trying to stabilize our own shaky finances,against all odds ,to find a measure of peace and tranquility in our selves and our homes . The answer seems still,to leave this world better for having been here,even if our original cards have been altered by those we depended on and trusted.