" I Am More "

Uncluttering revealed several poems I'd written between 1999 and 2004...here's one : "I Am More " " I am more than the lines in my face , the grey in my hair , or the changes in my figure . I am more than Mrs.Somebody or So-and-So's mother . I am more than the car I drive , the clothes I wear , Or how big the stone is in the ring that may or may not be on my left hand . I am a Woman , with a capital "W" , A most precious , vibrant bundle of thoughts , talents and abilities . Able to lovingly rear two children on a $4 per hour job , To manage a household despite money that should be there , but isn't . To pursue creative goals with passion , to reach out to those in need with compassion and tenderness . Creating small pools of peace amid chaos , nurturing , loving , building , changing the world for the better , a little at a time . The beauty you see comes from within - sparkling in my eyes and flashing in my smile . I am Woman - a MOST precious bundle of thoughts , talents and abilities ! "

Reality Check - Medical Version

At the very beginning of this month , the good intentions of chores finally addressed evaporated in the wake of cardiac symptoms . The very classic fist-sized pressure between the shoulder blades , then under the left arm , then mid-sternum , seasoned with breathless-ness and sweating , all made their appearance . Although each past event had slightly different hints , the ER cardiologists' advice was the same... since I am unable to differentiate between cardiac and neurogenic events (where a trio of spinal conditions conspire to pinch the very nerves that generate scary symptoms , though not involve the heart ) , getting to the ER is a must !!! And so , a bag was hastily packed , close friends alerted and EMS called . In our community , the ambulance is accompanied with an additional one that bears a paramedic and sometimes , even a police car...a triple alarm for my dear neighbors . Blood work was done...several times...and as a component thereof ( that reveals if the heart has suffered damage) was rising , I was kept overnight , for observation . I was finally released late afternoon the following day , with the stern admonition to follow up with my PCP and a cardiologist , ASAP . The cardiologist (new to me , but highly recommended by dear friends) was a surprising gem ! He actually made eye contact , listened to how I landed in the ER and past experiences , asked intelligent questions and listened to my responses !!! The appointment lasted about TWENTY MINUTES !! It seems , there IS now a way to find out if I am at risk for a cardiac event ! It involves a very specific CT scan of my heart...if the "score" is zero , there is no risk for me . If it is higher , we confir about options . This will go a long way to eliminating the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" concerns of the past , where I never knew if those symptoms would really be cardiac "this time' . By the Grace of God , life goes on !

Reality...check ??

At some point , during the course of my days , a mirror is passed . There are several hung throughout my house , reflecting the light and brightening the rooms . Occasionally , I catch a fleeting image there of an old woman who is wearing my clothes ! Reason would dictate that the image is a true reflection of my current self . My inner self chooses to disagree ! Surely the internal perception of a young , energetic physically fit young lady doesn't look like THAT !!! Perhaps , it is a preferable division of perception , than to be an aged inner self in a young body , but that obvious contrast in my mirror image is...sobering. The demands of the day intrude , that moment passes , and the delusion carries on !